5 Ways to Find Your Happily Ever
Most of us grew up expecting to live a fairy tale life with no disappointments. The Disney fantasy is that a downtrodden Cinderella gets whisked off her feet by Prince Charming. Yes, it’s a fantasy. We all know how the story ends – he professes undying love for Cinderalla, and they live happily ever after. Are you still waiting on your happily ever after?
Love makes you giddy with excitement, but what if you’ve found it more times than you care to count? The ever-elusive “L” word keeps slipping through your fingers and taunting you with the notion that you’ll have blissful happiness TOGETHER FOREVER. I get it. The feeling of trying your damndest to make it work can have you questioning everything about yourself. You opened up your heart, body, and mind yet again, and he stepped on all of them like a welcome mat.
Are you struggling with chronic blows threatening to take you out of the game? Or maybe you called a time out or benched yourself to save your heart. You’re not alone. Relationships are hard. You can chant your mantra daily that you’re Amazing, Beautiful, and deserving of Love and get the exact opposite.
Here’s the scenario: In the beginning, everything was cool! He was opening the car door, putting your feelings before his own, and romancing your azz off. Slowly a shift begins. He’s easily agitated and starts senseless arguments that turn into something more than what they started off being. Now he's rushing off the phone with an apparent attitude or not calling back when he said he would. You’re looking at the phone like, WTF just happened?! Your relationship has started to change, and you can’t do a damn thing about it. Or can you?
More often than not, once you’ve invested your heart and body, calling it quits and waving the white flag of surrender becomes harder and harder to do. A million questions course through your mind about what you’ve done wrong, or you begin to make excuses for him. God forbid he whispers those dreaded words, “It’s not you, but me.” WTH?! I’ll never forget the first time I was told that bullshit. At least his azz was smart enough to do it over the phone. LOL! Sorry, that took me back for a second. I’m back now.
Women have to learn how to protect our hearts and spare our bodies from the emotional beatdown once we’ve decided that being alone is no longer fun. Trust me, those Friday nights watching Netflix and ordering a pizza, get old real fast. If we’re going to date, we need to take the necessary steps to go into it like an investment. For example, when you decided to buy that new car, did you choose a vehicle, purchase it and drive off the lot? Or did you do some research? The sticker on the car tells you all you need to know. Whether it’s brand new or “as is,” you now have all you need to make the best decision for you. Being involved with somebody is trial and error, but there are ways to cut back on the shit that threatens your sanity.
Here are 5 Buyer Beware Before Investing Your Heart:
MPG – In car terms, we all know it means miles per gallon. It’s key to identify what you expect out of the relationship. Listen, set minimum guidelines that must be met before you enter into ANYTHING. Adjusting those wants/desires can get you in trouble where boundaries are necessary. The stats on that potential new car don’t change once you’ve driven it off the car lot. So why would you expect him to change?
Annual Fuel Cost – If you met him and he’s unemployed, why do you expect a windfall of money to appear from thin air magically? He can’t get blood out of a turnip. Somebody gotta pay. You’re the one that chose him, right? I’m not trying to be a total hardass. I understand that bad stuff happens to good people, so be realistic about what you’re getting.
Standard Equipment – What you see is what you get. Don’t complain about his three baby mommas and five kids when you knew about them from Day One. See things for what they are, not what you want them to be. Remember, people don’t change; they adapt – adapting is temporary. You can’t possibly start tripping about the drama that’s happening when you knew about it from the beginning. Seriously, three baby mommas should be enough to have you running in the opposite direction.
Optional Equipment – This is the part where you can ala carte your man. He meets your requirements; now you get to do some add-ons. Possibly stretch your expectations. I didn’t say get outlandish, but if your last man was living in an apartment, maybe now you’re ready to upgrade to a man that’s a homeowner.
Total MSRP – You’ve gone through my other four points. It’s time to decide whether you’ll purchase or keep it movin’. Please make a conscious decision that works best for YOU. Remember, you’re treating this as an investment.
Bottom line, be willing to walk away if he’s not meeting your needs, #periodt! The old saying, “doing the same thing, but expecting different results, is INSANITY!”
Put yourself first! You can have your happily ever after but be prepared to do the work.